With pregnancy, planned or unplanned, there comes a load of emotions. Surely, there will be joy, fear, and an overwhelming sense of “oh my God.” Expecting mothers and fathers are bound to take this news in different ways because that is just the way men and women are.
Still, men have concerns – very real concerns – that need to be addressed even if they are not displaying these thoughts. Here are ten things he is secretly worrying about during pregnancy. Read it together to help your husband get rid of those worries.
1. What if I don’t know what to do?
This is the biggest fear of most men: not knowing what to do or how to react. Worse, what if they become emotionally vulnerable because of this not-knowing? Men like to feel as if they have a function, but when it comes to parenting, they may not have a firm grasp of the situation.
This can be because of how their father figure was in the relationship. Another time this uncertainty can become overbearing is in the delivery room. A way to fix this is to do the birthing classes together. Read books, blogs, and watch educational videos on the whole birthing thing. Become experts together.
2. Is this the end of fun?
Simply put, men are going to fear a decrease in intimacy. Now that there is a baby in between you two, there will be a definite change in your sex lives, as well as how you behave around one another.
Still, this does not mean that all fun is going to disappear. Men may automatically think that this is goodbye to their childhood hopes and dreams, but it does not have to be. Assure him that there are going to be date nights, there will be fun, vacations, and more. It may take time, but your time together (alone) is not over.
3. What if this ruins the relationship?
While I would like to say that babies never ruin marriages, sometimes they do. Bringing new life into this chaotic world is definitely a scary thing. Sometimes the stress gets the better of the bond. Many experts say that babies make marriages more enjoyable, because husband and wife may feel a deepening in their connection.
However, there is another page in the book where an already fraying marriage tries to save itself with a baby. Not cool. The first couple of years is very important for a child, as well as extremely harrowing for the parents.
If you fear there are problems, deal with them now before the baby is born. Go to marriage counseling or consider the least favorable option. Divorce may seem like a hectic thing to do during pregnancy, but it will save the relationship, and ensure that later on the baby has two happy parents to look up to.
4. Am I going to be a bad father?
This depends largely on the individual. Just because you had a bad father does not mean that YOU will be a bad father. Sure, you will be a bit scared, but that is okay. Everyone is scared the first time they hold a wriggling newborn.
Men should be encouraged to learn from the mistakes of their parents. Be informed. Get involved and be willing to meet with other dads to discuss worries. Sure, men do not have maternal instincts, but they can still be engaged and loving in their own unique way.
5. What about me?
Men sometimes resort to thinking of their child as their rival. Okay, understandable. You used to be the crown champion of your significant other’s love. Now, you have to deal with what remains after she is done caring for the baby.
It is normal for new fathers to feel a sense of abandonment when the child first comes home. Remember, you do not need all the attention. Your baby, the developing little human that he/she is, needs the attention.
So, if you feel that your wife is giving you the cold shoulder because she is tired, maybe you should share some of that unspent love with, you guessed it, your child.
6. How much is this going to cost?
Finances are worthy of some thought, because having a baby, raising that child, and sending him or her off to school one day is going to cost you. Babies, children, and teenagers are super expensive.
Therefore, it is best to plan on getting married when mom and dad have steady, well-paying jobs, parental leave, and other incentives to have a happy pregnancy. Plus, you want to make sure you can handle the unexpected expenses along the way, like medical conditions, broken bones, and other things that may pop up.
7. What if something happens to the kid on my watch?
Well, if it happens, it may not be your fault. Remember all the trouble you got into as a kid, even when all eye were on you? Be aware. Look at the world from the baby’s perspective to make sure there is nothing dangerous nearby. If there is, remove it from reach. Otherwise, just be careful. Take all necessary precautions. And no, you will not drop the baby.
8. Will I ever sleep again?
Okay, you will not get adequate sleep for about a year, unless the baby is really well off and sleeps through the night. Which is not going to happen, so do not count on it. Men, just like women, need to learn to deal with it.
Figure out your child’s sleep patterns. Work out a sleep schedule with your spouse so the two of you can take turns waking up in the middle of the night to check on the child. Also, do whatever it takes to make the hours you do sleep as deep as possible, like turning off the tube at least 45 minutes before bed and hanging black-out curtains.
9. Can I handle watching the delivery?
There is really no way to prepare for what may happen in the delivery room. Men should be warned that the pregnancy can get gory. There will be screaming. There will be people running around like crazy, and you may get ignored. If the scene becomes too much to handle, you can step out of the room. Just remember, your wife is going to need you for emotional support. So, can you stay strong for her?
10. What if I cannot get out of work to see the delivery?
This is something that needs to be addressed before the expected delivery date. Get your manager or HR officer aside and let them know your concerns. They are people too and are sure to understand that you are technically “on-call” for that entire week the baby is supposed to come. Ask them what you are allowed to do and not do. Also, if your work is inflexible, be sure to discuss this with your partner.
The arrival of a child is a life-changing event. Men fear that they may not be good enough to be a father or will knack the necessary skills for raising another human being. Sometimes, they may even feel confusion about where they will now stand in the eyes of their partner. That is why these concerns need to be addressed, so expecting mothers and fathers are fully prepared and understand what each other are thinking.